Letting Go

3

Posted on : 1:09 PM | By : Jennifer

These are the kind of weekends I love. A little fun, a little work, a little relaxation. Alot of sun, alot of friends, alot of family. Not alot of errands.

I have but one minor complaint about this weekend, and it 's about some serious attachment issues concerning the following:


For the past four years, this shirt has covered my back during housework, late night videos, reading in bed and cooking things with red sauce. It also covered my belly during post-baby bodydom and 'round the clock nursing.  I bought it at Old Navy for approximately five dollars right after I had Ethan. It was loose, cool, comfy, and, as you can see, terribly flattering. It has been my trusted friend and companion these long years of Ethantoddlerhood, and it is not without a lump in my throat that I bid it farewell tonight.

I discovered several rather large holes in its front panel today, and I wondered: how long had they been there? Weeks, months, years? I wouldn't know; I generally avoided mirors when wearing this shirt. I decided that stumbling upon these holes tonight may have been the Universe telling me that it was, in fact, time to let go. (Vanity certainly wasn't going to do it.) And so with trembling fingers I pack  Good 'Ole Purple into my Goodwill bag and send it soaring into the great beyond. May it grace another mother's menial tasks (read: life) the way it has graced mine.

A FINE howdy-do.

7

Posted on : 6:48 AM | By : Jennifer


A few years ago, Megan traveled through the age-old rite of passage that is obtaining her very own, very first library card.  She had been begging me for one for months, but the prerequisite for this shiny, steel-gray gem was the child's ability to write her first and last name without help.  Megan was but a wee preschooler at the time, and despite her parent's conviction that she was surely a genius (our child?  could she be anything but?), the little darling could not yet patch "Megan" and "Smith" together without a bit of prodding by mom.  When the blessed day arrived that she could finally do so, she marched up to the desk, signed the form, and emerged triumphant with her first (of what I fear will be many) credit-card-of-sorts.  She felt grownup and proud, and I thought the whole episode was so cute.  Until today.

Meg had an unusually voracious appetite for books at the 'ole Mid-Columbia Library today, and she wanted to check them out on "her" card.  (Out of convenience, we usually use mine for the whole family.)  I agreed, and she whipped that baby out of her embroidered back pocket with the flair of Poncho Villa.  She slapped it down on the desk, shiny as new, and waited for some service.  A pale blond woman, whose white face disappeared into whiter hair, sat behind the desk.  She scanned the card, then peered down her bifocals at the young patron with a smile/frown.

"You can't use this today."

"Why not?"  Meg's eyebrows would have furrowed, had there been
hair there to furrow.  (Her face is still completely smooth and hairless, with spider veins on her temples, like a newborn's.  I love it.)

"You have a fine of ten dollars."

I felt Megan's hand stiffen in mine, and saw her flinch behind a calm face.  Ten dollars!  Ten dollars!  Such a sum of money!

"Yes.  Ten dollars," said the librarian, as if she could read our silent thoughts.  (I am not kidding with these italics.  She actually repeated the amount emphatically, in a sort of stage whisper.)

I stood quietly, unsure whether to lecture or reassure my daughter.  Before I could speak, she looked up at me with her toffee-drop eyes and said, "Mom, I think I have enough allowance to pay for that."  I wanted to hug her.  She didn't even consider asking me to pay for it, though I had already begun wondering how I could justify doing so.  Her sweet offer, however, gave me a perfect launch into Teaching Responsibility.

"Yes, honey, ten dollars is alot of money, and you'll need to pay it.  We'll come back and pay it next time when you can bring your allowance." 

Her upper lip visibly stiffened as she braced herself to part with such a dear sum of money.  How I wanted to pay it for her, and relieve her suffering!  But I dared not, for then what would become of this child?  She may go through life without an understanding of care, responsibility, even the value of a hard-earned dollar.  No, I must be strict, much as it tore at my pulsing mother-heart.  For the good of my children, I would set an example of careful accountability.  After all, they would someday take after their mother.  Passing on my discipline and frugality was the least I could do.

I then pulled out my own library card so I could check out the entire family's materials.  I decided to use the self-checkout machine this time (I'd had enough of Pasty-Face Drama Queen behind Customer Service.)  I went to scan my first book, but was promptly halted by a large indicator on the screen:

UNABLE TO PROCEED WITH CHECKOUT
PATRON OWES $12.40
PLEASE PAY PROMPTLY

So.

Anyway.

You know...I've decided that the only industry weathering the storm of this horrific economy is the wretched Public Library System, and they do so off the backs of harmless little borrowers like me.  If the Civil Engineering industry was clearing half the profit that Public Libraries were, I'd be buying all my books in brand-new hardcover, folding the corners and staining the pages all I liked, and then shipping them to you, my less fortunate friends, in a gracious and condescending gesture.  And I wouldn't give that shabby MCL the view of my upturned nose.  (Oh, the twisted fantasies I keep.)

HANDSOME SUCKS

4

Posted on : 9:36 PM | By : Jennifer

Yes, I realize that I am too old, too motherly, and too Mormon to title my blog with such a coarse expression, but please read on before you judge.  As with everything else I do wrong, it's really not my fault.

Yesterday I was dressing Ethan in my favorite shirt of his, which, of course, means he hates it.  Yet I insist on him wearing it at least twice a month so that I feel better about having bought it.  I got both arms in his sleeves when he looked down and noticed what I was putting on him. 

"I don't like this shirt!  I don't wanna wear this shirt!"  The standard howls and shrieks ensued.  

"But why not?  You look so handsome in it."  My voice automatically kicked into soothing mother gear, calm and gentle enough to annoy even myself. 

"I don't wanna be handsome!"

"Come on, honey..."

"No!  I don't wanna be handsome!  I wanna be AWESOME!!"

Good grief.

"I WANT MY SPIDERMAN SHIRT!!" (I know all caps is annoying, but Ethan's entire personality is all caps, and there's just no way around it.)

From this statement, I can only assume he was requesting the ketchup-red atrocity that has been lurking in a quiet drawer where I attempt to hide a regrettable pile of hand-me downs (thank you, Julie) that I keep around only for painting and playing in the mud.  This shirt has an enormous blue, crackly, off-centered iron-on of Spidey that hits Ethan about three inches above his belly button, because the shirt itself is short enough on him to qualify as a crop top (there's a term I haven't used since '89.)  Furthermore, I have never been able to successfully determine whether this sad and wilted occurrence is an actual shirt or, in fact, a pajama top.  It fails either way.

Which brings me to the story of another young man who obstinately refused the title of Handsome when it was generously offered him.  When Derrick and I were engaged, several people in our glittering social circle came out of the woodwork and started telling me how "handsome" my fiancée was.  Not "cute" or "attractive" or "good-looking," but always, "handsome."  I started hearing things like, "Got yourself a handsome fellow there," or "That fiancée of yours is a handsome man, very handsome."  I would have accepted these compliments with the pleasure of a young girl in love were it not for one curious fact: they all came from gray-haired men in their mid-sixties.  My bishop, some old family friends, and my creepy Uncle Louis.  Never heard a peep about my husband's studliness from a single woman, only men. Still not sure what that was all about.  But I digress.

Upon relating this well-deserved praise to my espoused, his reaction was less flattered than I would have expected. (I mean, give me a second-hand compliment about my looks and I'm yours for life.)  He simply frowned and said, "Handsome sucks."

"What?"

"Handsome sucks."

"What do you mean, handsome sucks?  Everybody wants to be handsome.  Clark Gable's handsome.  Brad Pitt's handsome.  Tom Cruise is handsome."

"No, those guys aren't handsome.  Handsome sucks."

" Well, what do you want to be?"

"Hot."

Good grief.  Did they make spiderman crop tops in mens' sizes back in '95?  Derrick could have used one, although the over-sixty set may have found it a bit puzzling on their new young darling.  As the years have gone by, however, we've both decided that Derrick's geriatric fan base was, in fact, alot younger, cooler, and more observant than we once gave them credit for.  In fact, if anyone knows who's handsome and who's not, it's retired grandpas.  Just ask my handsome husband. 

ONE REMOTE TO RULE THEM ALL

4

Posted on : 10:11 PM | By : Jennifer



His problems are over. The Logitech Harmony 620 is here.
Derrick P. Smith will be mocked by multiple remotes no more.

Happy Easter

10

Posted on : 9:21 AM | By : Jennifer


Easter Weekend Lovelies:
  • Introducing Ethan to Thai food on Friday night while Grandma whisked the girls off to Hannah Montana:  The Movie (and yes, I did want to see that flick myself)
  • Watching my girls imitate Miley's dance moves--quite impressively, I might add--all weekend long
  • Running a 5k with my husband on Saturday morning
  • Beating my husband in 5k on Saturday morning
  • Not letting my husband forget it since Saturday morning
  • Coloring eggs with the kids; making treats with the kids; eating too much candy with the kids
  • Watching kids perform creative skits about the New Testament on Saturday night; Ethan playing a mean "Martha" who is too busy making "My Tomato Sauce!" (as he called it) to sit down and listen next to Megan's angelic portrayal of "Mary"
  • Beautiful music in church on Sunday morning
  • First Sunday back in Primary as new 2nd counselor; loving being back in there with my own little lovelies
  • Hedonistic Easter feast after church, during which we reversed any benefits gained during 5k run
  • My parents coming over to celebrate Easter and their 41st wedding anniversary.  Dad giving Mom floor tickets to Billy Joel/Elton John in Seattle.  Them acting as giddy as newlyweds.  Me loving living by my parents. 
Easter Weekend Not-So-Lovelies:
  • My niece announcing that she was "suspicious" of the Easter Bunny on the car ride over to our house
  • She and the rest of the kids sneaking back to our room to google up and learning that the likeliest candidate for the E.B. was, in fact, their parents
  • Us adults enjoying ripe strawberries and lemon chiffon cake out front, blissfully unaware that our childrens' innocence was being shattered just two rooms away
Guess you can't win them all.
But it was still a great weekend.

How was yours?